


4, 3, 2, 1

by seasideshell



Category: iKON (Kpop)
Genre: binhwan is here too, but only in certain parts, glimpses of binhwan and bodong, hanbin donghyuk yunhyeong junhoe and chanwoo are just minor minor characters, lack of capslock, lots of commas, more of the crew now, slight angst, special appearance by winner
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-01
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-05-10 22:33:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5603407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seasideshell/pseuds/seasideshell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>jiwon and jinhwan, and their relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 4, 3, 2, 1.

 

 

-four-

 

jiwon loves jinhwan, he really does. he loves the way jinhwan's eyes crinkle when he smiles, he loves the way jinhwan's cheeks puff up when he tries to hold in his tears, he loves the way jinhwan's lips move when he sings, and he loves the way jinhwan's eyelashes flutter when he feels jiwon leaning in for a kiss. jiwon loves jinhwan, he really does.

 

they don't really have secrets between them, having been friends for four years maybe, before they eventually got together. so technically they know everything about each other, and are always attuned to the other's feelings and thoughts, always there for the other. a touch on the arm when jiwon's too emotional to make right choices, a hand on the back when jinhwan's too burdened by his responsibilities, a kiss on the forehead when jiwon's too tired of the world, and a chin on the crown when jinhwan's too sensitive to ignore venomous words. all done with words unspoken. 

 

their relationship is, in jiwon's opinion, smooth, in the sense that there are rarely fights between the two of them, if at all. neither of them are hot-headed people, so there's really no cause for fights. both of them know when to back down and apologise when they know it is needed, so most of their fights remained as squabbles. and jiwon's proud of the fact that both of them have such a peaceful relationship. but to be honest, jiwon wouldn't want to be with someone else other than jinhwan, even if their relationship happened to be wrecked with misery, hurt, shouts and cries.

 

still, there was this one particularly ugly quarrel between them, both of them too high-strung, too stressed, too agitated, too emotional to think calmly, spitting out poisonous words and spiteful thoughts that neither really mean. it had lasted for a mere four days, but jiwon can never forget those four days void of jinhwan's warmth, jinhwan's colour, jinhwan's kisses, _jinhwan_. he can never forget how he had been so scared at the thought that he might have lost jinhwan for good, that jinhwan might not come back through the doors of their apartment and into his arms. jiwon wasn't, _isn't,_ sure how he'd live if jinhwan really did leave. he's doesn't even remember the reason they fought, was it the large, rough hand that rested on jinhwan's nape for a second longer than the previous time it was there, or was it the long, delicate fingers that pressed down on jiwon's shoulders? either way, the only thing running through his mind when he saw jinhwan again, standing behind the door to their apartment was just thank god, thank god, thank god, _thank god_ as he rushed to pull the sobbing jinhwan back into his embrace, his own tears falling as he lets jinhwan's scent and apologies invade his senses. and jiwon has decided then and there, he's never going to let go of jinhwan, ever.

 

 

-three-

 

jiwon remembers seeing jinhwan for the first time, wearing a denim shirt and black pants as he stands by a couple of mutual friends, thinking that he's too small to be a hyung, too pretty to be a boy, too different to be a close friend. jiwon's right on the first two counts, but he's just so relieved that the third was not true at all. 

 

jiwon remembers seeing jinhwan for the second time, on the streets in an oversized sweater and skinny jeans, a pair of headphones covering his ears with hands tucked in his pockets, lips parted a little as he looks around the streets with wonder. jiwon wonders how jinhwan caught his eye in the streets packed full with people. jiwon vaguely recalled his friend saying jinhwan just moved here, before he passed by without meeting his eyes, thinking there's no need to say hi since they weren't close. 

 

jiwon remembers seeing jinhwan for the third time, clad in a sleeveless top and ripped jeans, a checkered shirt tied around his waist as he looks at his phone, looks up to examine his surroundings, and back at his phone again, eyebrows furrowing and lips pouting. he's lost, jiwon thought, and that started off an inner debate on whether he should approach jinhwan or not. but he did went towards jinhwan nonetheless, because as much as he is unfamiliar with the other, jiwon isn't the kind of person to leave a friend in need. and jiwon's glad he had done so because that, was how their friendship began. 

 

 

-two- 

 

jiwon thinks living with jinhwan is quite possibly, the best idea he had ever had, and those who knows jiwon will agree. in the morning, just seeing jinhwan brightens up his day and clears up his monday blues or tuesday blues or whatever-day blues. morning kisses by his morning angel and maybe for his angel if he ever wakes up earlier than jinhwan, jinhwan's peaceful sleeping face before his eyes first thing when he wakes up, sometimes waking up to the smell of scrambled eggs, toasted bread and ham or maybe pancakes, jinhwan wearing _just_ jiwon's large white shirt with hair sticking up two hundred thousand different ways after a particular steamy night. jiwon loves mornings with jinhwan, especially saturday mornings, when both of them get to lie in and cuddle and tease each other, tickling and play-biting, more on jiwon's part, giggles from jinhwan and guffaws from jiwon filling up their room. and jinhwan will whine about breakfast, dragging jiwon out of the comfort of the bed to begin their day. and honestly, jiwon doesn't mind spending every morning like this.

 

and in the night, when evening falls darker for stars to shine and jiwon comes home from work, a dark empty living room greets him, but he knows jinhwan's in the kitchen with the radio switched on and pan sizzling, wooden spoon in hand as he cooks, nodding his head and humming along to the music playing. an arm around the waist, a press of lips to the neck and jiwon will hop away quickly to the shower before he gets hit by jinhwan for distracting him. and dinner, fried rice, bulgogi, jjigae, japchae, or whatever jinhwan feels like cooking, held over conversations, talks of their day, jinhwan at his pet shop and jiwon at his school. then it's rock-paper-scissors at the end of each meal to determine who'll wash the dishes, but they both end up doing it either way because jiwon will whine and jinhwan will pout. and when they're done, a movie night maybe, or games, or a quiet night with books and handphones before they hit the bed, energy seeping away as the clock ticks and tocks. but of course, in bed sometimes a playful bite turns to a long kiss, a lick along the jaw and more. and honestly, jiwon doesn't mind spending every night like this.

 

 

-one-

 

jiwon's friends with hanbin and chanwoo, jinhwan's friends with donghyuk, yunhyeong and junhoe, and it's no surprise then when they start being friends that their circle of friends start to mingle too. jiwon didn't mind it at all because donghyuk, yunhyeong and junhoe are nice kids, and jiwon got to learn of jinhwan's stories, jinhwan's patience, jinhwan's adorably embarrassing antics, jinhwan's determination that made jiwon slowly, but surely, fall in love with. jiwon's life practically revolved around jinhwan, but he's not blind to his surroundings too. he didn't miss the lingering gazes of hanbin on jinhwan, the special smile that played around the lips whenever jinhwan's near or the hand that seems attracted to jinhwan's nape. he also didn't miss the blushes of donghyuk whenever jiwon talked to him, the little bit of extra care that jiwon alone received or the massages donghyuk offered whenever jiwon's tired. jiwon felt bad, because he can never reciprocate donghyuk's feelings, and jiwon felt complicated, because what were the odds that him and his best friend likes the same person? but maybe the odds were in his favour, because jiwon _surely_ didn't miss the way jinhwan brightened up whenever he saw him, the way jinhwan's eyes naturally went to him wherever he was, the way jinhwan gets him to meet up over the weekends or the way jinhwan depended on him more than anyone else. jiwon couldn't bring himself to care about hanbin or donghyuk then, not when jinhwan's eyes held so much promise that maybe, just maybe, jinhwan's life revolved around jiwon just as jiwon's did. _and it's true._

 

 

-zero-

 

"jiwon-ah?"

"arhn?"

they were resting on the couch, jinhwan flipping through a magazine at one side of the couch, sitting normally while jiwon plays around with the television remote control, body stretched out in a comfortable position with an arm supporting his head while his legs hang off the other end of the couch.

"i love you."

"why, why this sudden declaration though?"

jinhwan confesses simply as he stops turning the pages to cast a small smile at the back of jiwon's head. jiwon stops shaking his leg and turns his head as far back as he can to look at jinhwan, heart palpitating at jinhwan's words and though thoroughly pleased, he decides that teasing jinhwan comes first.

"nothing...just thought i should say it..."

"awwww, i love you too hyung! very very much!"

a blush paints jinhwan's cheeks and ears, his gaze returning to the magazine and jiwon can't help but coo before he pounces onto his small hyung, knocking the magazine out of his hands and buries his head onto his lap. jiwon then blows raspberries into jinhwan's stomach amidst shrieks and squirms and yes, jiwon _definitely_ wants this to last forever.

 

 


	2. four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just little snippets, details, events of their relationship inspired by certain points in each paragraph

 

 

 

 

4.

"hyung, sing something for me."

 

and jinhwan replies with a hum before starting on the first verse of taeyang's "eyes, nose and lips", fingers carding through jiwon's hair as jiwon rests his head on his lap. he stares up at jinhwan's lips, marvelling at the way they move as syllable after syllable escape those pink lips to piece together a medley of emotions in the form of words. jiwon thinks maybe it's the comfortable position he's in, coupled with the soft, lulling voice of jinhwan, that when he finally tears his gaze away from jinhwan's lips and closes his eyes, he drifts off into slumberland when jinhwan starts singing "i need a girl". but suddenly, a "boom shakalaka" reaches his ears, loud and alarming, and jiwon startles awake, only to notice jinhwan almost smouldering him with the way he's leaned over to shout straight into jiwon's ear. so jiwon finds himself turning away and falling off the couch amidst jinhwan's laughter, high and gleeful as jiwon lay sprawled on the floor. 

 

"yah hyunggg."

 

jiwon's pout is in full force but that only seems to fuel jinhwan's laughter, causing him to curl up and fall sideways onto the couch, breathless and with tears in his eyes. jiwon can feel his mouth twitching to form a laugh, because jinhwan's laugh is just so infectious, but he holds out on it and pouts determinedly, and when jinhwan finally stops laughing, jiwon's still on the floor, bottom lip jutted out in an attempt to make jinhwan feel guilty. but jinhwan only ruffles his hair brightly, none too guiltily, before maybe taking pity on him and stoops to press millions of jewelled kisses onto jiwon's lips, each dispelling the pout slowly one after another.

 

when jinhwan finishes his millionth kiss, he's atop jiwon, having been pulled down maybe at the thousandth kiss, so now they're both lying on the floor, jiwon's arms tight around jinhwan as jinhwan squirms to make himself comfortable on jiwon's chest. he starts humming then, this time using jiwon's heartbeat as his pulse, weaving unknown tunes and melodies until he feels jiwon breathing evenly, indicating that the boy underneath him is asleep. jinhwan closes his eyes too then, voice decreasing to silence as he too falls asleep.

 

 

3.

jiwon's misses his family so much, his mother especially. he's lying in his bed and he wonders if his mother is eating well, is her hand still aching from all the housework she's doing, he wonders if his father is sleeping well, is he continuing his healthy diet that the doctors recommended, he wonders if his brother is working well, is he still being repressed by higher-ups. he wonders how it'll be when he can see them again,  _if_  he can see them again soon. it's a far dream for him, because what can a mere college student, still struggling with his tuition fees and apartment rental, do to save for such expensive airplane tickets to travel halfway across the world? it's frustrating, so so frustrating because he can't feel his mother's warmth, his father's care, his brother's jokes well enough through the cold screen of his computer. he wishes time would slow down, slow down enough for jiwon to be able to walk swim run towards his home back in america, where the time taken would just be mere seconds. 

 

jiwon curls up in his blankets, twisting and turning to find a comfortable position for him to fall asleep, or lie awake thinking of his family still, when jinhwan enters their room, slipping in so silently that jiwon didn't even realise that jinhwan's there until the older starts to untangle the blankets around his limbs. jiwon doesn't feel like talking, so he stays lying on the bed, rolling slightly off center when jinhwan enters the bed, pulling the blanket up to their shoulders. then jinhwan's gentle hands comes up to his head, and he leans forward forward forward until his lips touch jiwon's forehead, before pulling back to offer him a soft, understanding smile. jiwon's hands come to rest on jinhwan's hips instinctively as jinhwan strokes jiwon's cheeks, and jiwon falls into easy sleep that was just so difficult moments ago.

 

the next morning, jiwon wakes up to find a piece of paper lying across his eyes, and as he holds the piece of paper in his hands, glancing through it with bleary eyes, jiwon realises that it's a ticket. a flight ticket to  _virginia_ , his home, with the departure date a week from now. wide awake and shocked, jiwon can only jump out of his bed, run out of the room, pull jinhwan from the dining table chair and engulf him in a tight hug.

 

"i take it that you've seen your gift then?"

 

stated more than asked, jinhwan smiles into jiwon's chest as jiwon splutters whats and hows into his hair. and with a cheerful reply of "saved 'em!" after jinhwan's released from the hug, jiwon falls onto the chair, legs weaks, heart bursting with so much emotion, delight, shock, gratefulness,  _love,_ and his tears just fell. jinhwan sits before him, hand patting his head as he lets jiwon cry himself into a mess. and jiwon gathers jinhwan into his arms again, gentler this time, murmuring "thank you, jinhwan-hyung, thank you, i love you, hyung, thank you" over and over again.

 

  

2.

"you don't have to buy such an expensive gift, jiwon-ah."

 

if anything, that wasn't the reaction that jiwon expected, not the creased eyebrows and down-turned lips, jiwon had expected crinkles by the side of his eyes and a lovely smile on jinhwan's face, or maybe a soft "wow" or something, but not  _this_.

 

"why? jinhwan-hyung, don't you like it?"

"no, it's just... it's so expensive jiwon-ah, it looks expensive. you're saving up for your family right? you don't have to spend them on me."

 

and now it's jiwon's turn to frown when jinhwan's voice take on a reproving tone. he's only trying to show his love for jinhwan, to pamper jinhwan once in awhile, so why isn't jinhwan  _happy_?

 

"i was just trying to make you happy."

 

jiwon answers quietly, setting the box of branded watch onto the table in front of jinhwan, murmuring something about going to his room before he stands up and leaves the table, eyes downcast and not meeting jinhwan's gaze. honestly, he's upset, because why couldn't jinhwan appreciate his efforts and accept his gift? he can't let jinhwan pamper him all the time, and it's just a way of showing his care. he thinks of the skipped meals and the extra lessons taught to save up not just for his family, but for jinhwan as well. jiwon recalls the day he spent a whole afternoon browsing through stores and shops in different malls, just to find something that fits jinhwan's style. but, jiwon thinks as he kicks around the room in his revolving chair, maybe jinhwan's right, he doesn't have to spend so much money on jinhwan, there are other ways to show that he cares, moreover jinhwan isn't the type of materialistic person. 

 

"jiwon?"

"hyung."

"i'm sorry, for not accepting your gift. i really appreciate it, i didn't mean to scold but i-"

"it's okay jinhwan-hyung, i know. i'm sorry too, for not understanding you."

 

and when jiwon sees the smile that he loves so, jiwon knows that everything's going to be alright. but needless to say, jiwon's absolutely pleased when he spots jinhwan wearing his watch for years to come.

 

 

 

1.

"for the last time, jiwon-ah, hanbin is  _just_ a friend."

"then why do you let him rest his hand on your neck all the time?"

"but junhoe does it too! so does donghyuk, yunhyeong and even chanwoo, everybody does it and i don't see you complaining about them."

"it's different, jinhwan-hyung!"

"what is? and how is it different from you letting donghyuk keep his hands on your shoulders every single time!"

"there's nothing between us, hyung."

"and that's what i'm trying to tell you too, there's  _nothing_ between hanbin and i."

"oh  _really_."

"jiwon, why don't you trust me! i'm your boyfriend!"

"because you look so happy and relaxed with him all the damn time!"

"is there something wrong with me being happy?"

"it is when it's not because of me."

"...how can you say that? i'm my own person too, jiwon, i can be happy about whatever makes me happy!"

"whatever."

"jiwon! i didn't know you were so spiteful and selfish."

"me? well, at least it's better than letting someone cling onto you right in front of your boyfriend."

"you know what, this is going nowhere. i'm going."

"sure, whatever you want. go away, go to hanbin, see if i care. i'd probably be better off with donghyuk."

"and i'd probably be better off with hanbin too."

 

maybe it's that sentence, said quietly after the series of shouts and screams, or maybe it's the soft tud of the door behind his back, or maybe it's the sudden chill in the room that when jiwon turns around, he realises that jinhwan's  _gone_. jinhwan left, he really left. well whatever, he'll back by the night, jiwon thinks.

 

except jinhwan isn't back by the night, even as the clock blinks a harsh red 2:32, jinhwan isn't back. the apartment is cold and empty, and that's when he realises that he had screwed up, real bad. and he's so so angry, angry at himself, at shouting those words aimed to harm jinhwan, his insignificant jealousy that blew out of proportions when jinhwan didn't even do anything. in his anger fit, jiwon managed to thrash the apartment, thrown pillows, torn books, broken cups, until he finally slips and fall onto the ground, tears escaping freely from his eyes as he cries his throat hoarse in agony. 

 

and the next day jiwon's woken up by loud bangings to the door, so loud and harsh that's anything unlike jinhwan and jiwon knows that whoever's waiting for him behind the door isn't the one he wants to see. and he's right, of course, because junhoe throws a fist at him once the door's open, face scrunched up and eyes lit up in fury. jiwon's thrown onto the floor by the force of the punch and when junhoe grabs him by the collar, ready to punch him again, jiwon does nothing to defend himself because he  _knows_ junhoe's punching him on jinhwan's behalf. but the punch doesn't come, and when he opens his eyes after being dropped to the floor, jiwon sees junhoe, none less angry than before, but with an awkward look which clashes with his strong features as he takes in the thrashed apartment and the look of utter hopelessness and sorrow on jiwon's face. junhoe clenches his jaw once more, and with a "you've really hurt him, bobby-hyung.", junhoe leaves the apartment with a loud bang, as enraged as when he came in, but much more merciful. jiwon's tears start to fall again. 

 

the next day jiwon wakes up to a single insistent tapping to his door, but opens it to find three faces, two being which friends whom he really doesn't want to see at the moment, two who were the cause of the fight. so jiwon slams the door right in their faces, too fast for the three of them to react, only feeling slightly guilty for turning away yunhyeong. the sound of knuckles on hard wood continues then, now accompanied by shouts from hanbin and soft voices from yunhyeong and donghyuk but he can't, he can't stand to face them right now when all he wants is  _jinhwan_. 

 

he's fully awake when he hears low knocks, and his hope rises because maybe it's jinhwan. but that single stray of light's crushed when yunhyeong and chanwoo greets him instead. he lets them in this time, because yunhyeong has learnt from experience and steps in straight away when the door so much as opened a gap large enough for his shoe to stick in. jiwon sees yunhyeong grimacing at the sight of his face, partly swollen from junhoe's punch, one that jiwon couldn't bother to clean up because the dull ache on his jaw is nothing compared to the raging pain in his  _heart_. but yunhyeong has already tasked chanwoo with bringing the first aid kit and maybe tidy up the apartment while yunhyeong cleans up jiwon. sweet chanwoo just nods and follows his instructions, doing his part as much as he can to help jiwon as much as possible. and the large growl from jiwon's stomach after yunhyeong had him cleaned up would have elicited a laugh from anyone if it were under any other circumstances, but chanwoo and yunhyeong can only smile in sympathy. yunhyeong then cooked him some fried rice, and even though it's not the same taste as jinhwan's, jiwon is grateful for yunhyeong's and chanwoo's presence. a cracked "thank you" is the most of what he has spoken the past three days as he shuts the door when the two went back in the evening with promises to come check up on him again soon. jiwon slumps down onto the couch and closes his eyes, trying hard not to choke at the image of jinhwan behind his eyelids, drifting off the sleep once again amidst tears and breaking heart.

 

he's drained, physically and emotionally, even if he's awake, jiwon feels as if he's dead, and now there's no jinhwan to pull him out of his misery and keep him in peace and it's all jiwon's fault. he has not left the apartment, in fear that he might miss jinhwan when he's out, because jinhwan has no way to enter the apartment, having left his keys in his moment of anger the day of the fight. he almost misses the doorbell, sinking into his pool of regret and pity, when another ring pulls him out of it. jiwon thinks that maybe it's yunhyeong again, keeping his promise, only to find jinhwan staring at him, looking none for the better, with tears swimming in his eyes already. thank god. jiwon's hands find jinhwan in a rushed movement to pull him into an embrace. thank god. jiwon inhales deeply to breathe in the familiar scent of jinhwan. thank god. jiwon tightens his embrace when he feels jinhwan shaking uncontrollably in his arms.  _thank god._ and his own tears start to fall. 

 

"i'm sorry."

"i love you."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it got a little angsty at the end, i'm sorry


	3. three

 

 

 

 

3.

jiwon blinks at the small person in front of him, a little disconcerted at how seamlessly he seems to fit in with his three hyungs when jiwon has practically never seen him before. jinhwan, jiwon recalls seungyoon mentioning, is the same age and seungyoon and taehyun, which is really weird to jiwon because jinhwan looks so small and innocent compared to the seungyoon and taehyun. really, how can such a petite and fluffy person be older than him?

 

he sees minho leaning an arm comfortably on jinhwan's denim clad shoulder, grinning at a bad joke made by seungyoon while taehyun just groans by his side. jinhwan's smiling a little, eyes crinkling and suddenly, jiwon feels out of place, without hanbin, it feels as if jiwon's intruding on a moment. jiwon watches as minho's arm leaves jinhwan's shoulder, only to be replaced by taehyun's, bringing both of them closer together. maybe it's because of the never-ending placement of arms around jinhwan's shoulders that jinhwan doesn't grow any taller, jiwon muses, laughing at little at that thought internally. but, when jiwon looks at the picture of taehyun and jinhwan together, it's really pretty, really really pretty. and it's not hard to imagine jinhwan in a denim blouse and black skirt at all.

 

a twinkling laughter draws jiwon out of his thoughts, catching his attention because in his life, all he's ever heard is hanbin's dumb laugh, chanwoo's child-like laughter, seungyoon's unconstrained laughter, taehyun's dignified laughter, minho's choking laugh, and his own uncontrollable laughter. jiwon thinks then that jinhwan's quite like the opposite of him, gentle and calm, soft and passive while jiwon's rough and hyper, loud and active. jiwon's not one to reject being someone's friend at first sight, but he can't help thinking that jinhwan will forever remain as just a friend of his hyungs. _still_ , jiwon's curious about jinhwan.

 

"jinhwan? he's my childhood friend, also taehyun's. he moved here recently from jeju for studies."

"studies? but isn't it weird to transfer in the middle of the school term?"

"jinhwannie's a smart kid, plus, he's freaking popular, attracts people like bees to flowers. look, he managed to make some friends already on his first day."

 

jiwon looks in the direction minho has pointed, and true enough, jinhwan is sitting with three others in a group, already chatting and joking around as if they've known one another for years. and suddenly jiwon misses both hanbin and chanwoo, his own childhood friends.

 

 

2.

jiwon's walking towards the neighbourhood library to meet up with hanbin when something, or more accurately _someone_ , catches his eyes, and he knows it's jinhwan instinctively even though they haven't met more than once. but jiwon's more than amused at how jinhwan seemed even tinier in his sweater that seemed a size or two too big. he supposes it's useless to try to call jinhwan, judging by the way his headphones are fitted snugly over his ears, but it's not like jiwon will try to call him either way, when they're just mere acquaintances. it's cute though, how jinhwan's standing in the middle of the street, gazing around his surroundings, marvelling at the tall buildings and modern constructions without any regard of the glares, grunts and curses from passersby, which are being blissfully blocked out by, no doubt, jinhwan's favourite songs flittering into his ears. but jiwon doesn't have such a luxury of a filter, and a particularly hard shove coupled with a few angry curses shakes him out of his world, jiwon hasn't even realised that he has stopped walking, and was just, in the center of a busy street, staring blankly at jinhwan. embarrassed, jiwon shakes his head to clear his mind, muttering low apologies as he continues on his way to the library. he's late.

 

"hyung, you're late."

"sorry."

"humph. so, how do you read this word."

 

hanbin's launches straight into work after jiwon has arrived, and jiwon wants to laugh because that's just so hanbin. they continue with their work for a few hours in silence, only punctured when either of them has a question for the other. but it's not quite a surprise when hanbin cuts the silence with a totally unrelated question, they were bound to lose focus sooner or later. it's the question which is more of a surprise to jiwon.

 

"bobby-hyung, do you know of jinhwan?"

"huh? yea, i met him once, why?"

"minho-hyung says he wants me to meet him. he's his childhood friend, he says."

"yes he is, taehyun-hyung's too."

"ah really? ...do you know what he's like?"

"humm, he's really small, quite pretty, comparable to taehyun-hyung, and he seems like a cool type of person. he's quite cute too."

"hmm."

 

they fall into silence once more, and while jiwon has no idea what's hanbin thinking, he finds his own thoughts drifting away to earlier, where he saw jinhwan, and a soft smile plays on his lips unconsciously, thinking of how innocent the image looked, jinhwan seeing the world with wonder in his eyes as though he's experiencing it for the first time.

 

"hyung, what are you smiling about?"

"oh, nothing much."

 

  
1.

jiwon thinks it's fate, when he sees jinhwan on the street again, this time closer to his apartment. hanbin lives just streets away from him, still in the same district, but in all his years of being friends with him, jiwon has only met hanbin _once_ whenever he's out on the streets. so it just might be fate, maybe. this time, jiwon doesn't stop, and instead his legs moves to continue on his way, yet another glance back at jinhwan causes his steps to slow down to a pause, because jiwon realises jinhwan looks troubled. should he help? should he not? jiwon's mind swirls with hesitation, until finally the angel perched on his right shoulder helps him make a decision, and so he places one foot after another in the direction of jinhwan.

 

"jinhwan...sshi?"

"bobby!"

 

the lost puppy look instantly melts into one of relief, and jiwon can see the thin sheen of sweat lining jinhwan's forehead, and it's no wonder that jinhwan had taken off his checkered shirt to reveal a sleeveless top. god know how long the poor guy has spent under the sun, looking around for directions, jiwon thinks as slight pity tugs at his heart. jiwon's heart, he feels, aches in a weird way when he hears jinhwan call him by his english name, but even if he's heard it millions of times before, somehow, it feels different coming from jinhwan's lips.

 

"do you need help? you look lost, and i live around here so i'm familiar with the surroundings..."

"oh! really? thank you then."

 

and jinhwan passes him his phone, and of course, jiwon recognises the place, even if he doesn't go there frequently. afterall, there's only one pet shop in the vicinity. jiwon is sure it was only a slight look of surprise shown on jiwon's face, but jinhwan seems to understand his unspoken question of "why is he going there?" and replies with a succinct answer of "it's a job interview.". and now a slightly more prominent look of surprise is most likely shown on jiwon's face when jinhwan smiles laughingly in return. it's strangely comfortable though, the walk with jinhwan to the pet shop, as words pass through the both of them and jiwon decides that yes, minho is right in which jinhwan really does attract people like bees to flowers, maybe it's the way jinhwan makes people feel at ease around him, maybe it's just the kind of pull jinhwan has. jiwon's finds himself liking jinhwan's company already.

 

"bobby? are you doing anything later on?"

"nope, nothing."

"then do you want to grab some lunch with me? that is, if you're okay with waiting for a while."

 

they've reached the pet shop when jinhwan asks, head tilted and with a little hope and expectation dusting his eyes. and maybe it's because the idea of shopping alone seems so lonely to him all of a sudden, maybe it's because having someone to spend the day with may not be too bad afterall, and maybe it's because he's just so comfortable and relaxed with jinhwan now, but jiwon's lips move automatically to form the words "i don't mind." the smile he receives is bright and pleased, but when jinhwan goes to enter the pet shop with jiwon in tow, jiwon doesn't expect jinhwan to turn around again with a teasing glint in his eye.

 

"you can call me 'hyung', you know."

 

 

0.

"hey! thanks for waiting, i'm done here. ready to leave?"

 

jiwon hears jinhwan's voice from his crouched position, fingers softly pressed against the glass separating him from the tiny bulldog puppy behind it. he's been spending most of his time while waiting for jinhwan playing with the puppy, even if he can't touch it directly, a finger here, a finger there, the puppy just follows his finger wherever it moves to, and jiwon just finds it so endearing. he looks up then, finding jinhwan standing over him, the light flitting in through the front door casting a soft glow on jinhwan and a fleeting thought of "he's _gorgeous_." crosses his mind. he replies jinhwan with a nod, before turning back to the puppy to say goodbye, feeling a sense of longing when it yelps sadly, seeming to sense that jiwon's leaving.

 

"jinhwan-hyung, there's this bibimbab shop near here that i want to try, can we go there?"

"sure thing."

"wait! jinhwan-ah."

 

and jiwon's startled when someone else's voice calls out, before he turns to see a lady, seemingly aged yet appearing youthful, with warm eyes and kind smile, holding onto a bundle in her arms. and he hears a surprised "mrs kwon!" from jinhwan as he crosses the shop to hold the lady carefully, a gesture so natural that jiwon wonders if it's the first time they've met. he sees the two of them exchanging whispers, before mrs kwon hands jinhwan the bundle in her arms, tucking a hand under jinhwan's cheek with a gentle smile adorning her face, and jinhwan's hand comes up to rest over hers, eyes soft, before leaning in to give her a hug. it's a heartwarming sight to jiwon, one that he is envious of because his own mother is back in america, and the closest thing he has to a mother figure here is jinwoo, who has already graduated and busy with his own life. but jiwon doesn't dwell because jinhwan's back by his side now, ready to leave as he casts a goodbye to mrs kwon, with her throwing back a warm smile and "take care." at not only jinhwan, but jiwon as well.

 

"mrs kwon's like the mother i never had while i was in jeju."

 

jinhwan informs him as they exits the pet shop, but that was all he said in their five minute walk to the shop jiwon mentioned. the silence didn't bother jiwon too much, seeing as how jinhwan seemed lost in thought then, his arms cradling the bundle preciously, but it did made jiwon wonder how jinhwan's life was when he was young, how it was before jinhwan met mrs kwon, how it was after she left for seoul. but he shakes himself out of his thoughts when he realises that he's the one who wanted to go to the shop and jinhwan has no idea of _where_ it is. so jiwon, with an flustered laugh, guides a confused jinhwan back to the shop they've passed minutes prior, jinhwan's tinkling laughter ringing by his side.

 

and minutes later, they both have a bowl of bibimbab in front of them, and jiwon's glad to have chosen a nice shop to lunch with jinhwan. jinhwan doesn't talk much, jiwon realises, only listening intently as jiwon talks, about his life in america and how's different being in korea is, about minho, seungyoon, taehyun, hanbin and chanwoo, and how silly all his friends are, with jinhwan inputting some of the embarrassing things minho and taehyun did when they were kids. it's enjoyable, and jiwon finds himself relaxed, too relaxed for it to be the first meeting where they _actually_ conversed. but it goes to show how much jiwon has been talking when jinhwan places his spoon into an empty bowl, taking the napkin provided to dap at his mouth when jiwon still has a third of the rice left in his. he shoves down his food then, despite protests from jinhwan that "it's alright! take your time! please don't choke...". he does choke, and jiwon doesn't want to think of how he's embarrassing himself in front of jinhwan.

 

jiwon walks jinhwan to the train station after they had their lunch, because as much as jiwon knows that jinhwan's a grown male and the sun is still shining, jiwon feels the need to protect jinhwan, or at least make sure he's safe on the way home.

 

"oh, by the way, what's your korean name?"

"eh? it's jiwon, kim jiwon."

"then can i call you by that?"

 

jinhwan blinks owlishly at him, head tilted, a habit jiwon has noticed whenever jinhwan asks a question. and jiwon doesn't know that his answer of an "of course!" will lead to sparkles _shining_ in jinhwan's eyes, his smile wider than anything jiwon has seen in the day. but it's gone in a flash when jinhwan disappears down the stairs to the the underground station with a wave and goodbye, before jiwon even has time to formulate a response. it's only when jiwon's walking back towards his apartment that he realises jinhwan actually said "bye, _jiwon-ah_.", and he doesn't know why, but a foolish grin spreads across his face at the thought of it, until it slips off and jiwon stops walking, groaning out loud. he had forgotten to exchange numbers with jinhwan! with a sigh as he ruffles his hair, jiwon wonders why he's so upset about this. either way, jiwon's definitely looking forward to the next time he meets jinhwan.

 

 


	4. two

 

 

 

 

2.

jiwon loves it when he wakes up to kisses littering his face, jinhwan's lips curved into a fond smile, fringe falling down to tickle jiwon's forehead as he hovers above jiwon, leaning down to peck his eyelids, his nose, and the corner of his lips, breath fresh because jinhwan's already been to the bathroom and back. but jiwon loves it even more when, like today, he's the first to awake, opening his eyes blearily only to see jinhwan, eyelashes fluttering and pink lips slightly parted as he breathes in and out softly. jiwon doesn't make any movement, afraid that he might disturb jinhwan, only lying on the bed as he continues gazing at jinhwan's beautiful features. he lets out a puff of air then, chuckling silently when jinhwan wrinkles his nose, face scrunching up, and whether it's from the disturbance or jiwon's morning breath, he doesn't know, it's still cute anyway. he presses closer when he sees jinhwan stirring, planting a long, deep kiss on jinhwan's lips, wondering whether he should be offended or thoroughly _endeared_ when jinhwan scrunches up his face again, mumbling a "smelly..." drowsily as he smacks jiwon's face and turns away from him, pulling the blankets closer to him.

 

"jinhwannie, wake up."

"hyung."

"jinhwannie-hyung!"

 

as the last resort, jiwon rolls over to lie beside jinhwan, and the tickle attack begins. jinhwan squirms and twists, grunts and groans escaping his mouth, his eyes is shut though he's obviously not asleep anymore, while jiwon's fingers jabs at jinhwan's waist, and jiwon knows he has won when jinhwan lets out a whine and a resigned "okay, okay. stop!". heaving a sigh, jinhwan sits up and looks down to shoot a mock glare at jiwon, pouting prettily in an attempt to show his displeasure. but of course, jiwon just grins because jinhwan's attractiveness just shot up tenfold, and he can't help the _adoration_ spreading in his heart.

 

"breakfast outside?"

 

jinhwan asks once he's freshened up, smelling of baby powder and lavender, flopping himself onto jiwon, who's still lying on the bed using his phone, and jiwon responds with an "omph." and cry of pain mixed together when the impact causes jiwon to drop his phone right onto his face. but jinhwan just smiles as he rests his chin on jiwon's chest, eyes bright as he waits for jiwon's answer. and jiwon pretends to think while rubbing the sore spot where his phone hit him. "let's go to our cafe." was the reply as jiwon pokes jinhwan's nose lightly, before jinhwan slides away from the bed to change his clothes, poking at jiwon to tell him to wash up too.

 

the cafe they termed as their own, is a bus stop away, it's been awhile since jiwon boarded the bus with jinhwan, and it's makes him ridiculously happy to be doing something so normal like taking the bus with jinhwan, when most days it's jiwon in the bus or train alone, with only his music for company. the bus ride's short, with jiwon and jinhwan giving away their seats to an elderly couple, with jinhwan clutching at jiwon's jacket to keep himself from falling, and jiwon thinks it's funny how such _simple_ things in life makes him so warm inside.

 

"i'll go order, hyung. the usual?"

"the usual."

 

jinhwan confirms before heading off to find a seat as jiwon walks towards the counter. once jiwon places their orders, he looks around the cafe to find jinhwan, only to receive a little wave as jinhwan catches his eyes, tucked in the cozy corner of the cafe, jiwon sends back an okay sign before jinhwan settles himself comfortably in his seat and takes out his phone, scrolling away as he waits for jiwon to arrive. their orders come fairly quickly, and when jiwon walks towards jinhwan with their breakfast in his hands, it's safe to say that he's not pleased to see the back of a tall stranger standing over jinhwan.

 

"excuse me, is this seat taken?"

"sorry-"

"yes."

 

jiwon cuts off jinhwan's polite reply with a curt one, and though the smile on jiwon's face is seemingly amiable when the stranger turns around to face him, he's quite sure the stranger recognises the warning in his eyes, a strong and clear one that says "back off.". and jiwon's absolutely certain of it when the stranger mutters a flustered apology with a red face, before rushing off to the opposite end of the cafe where empty seats welcome him. and the raised eyebrows from jinhwan is quickly replaced with a delighted expression when jiwon sets down the tray on the table, and jinhwan has already grabbed his sandwich before jiwon even sat down.

 

"cheers!"

 

jinhwan's half-eaten sandwich meets jiwon's complete one, before jiwon starts gobbling down his breakfast as well, only pausing when jinhwan reaches out a thumb to wipe away the mayonnaise smeared on jiwon's upper lip, but it's all for naught when the mayonnaise once again appears on jiwon's lip, eliciting a fond laugh from jinhwan. and their breakfast date comes to an end as the two talk and tease, listening to endless stories and made-up dreams, their drinks, iced americano for jiwon and an iced latte for jinhwan, sitting on the table, but it doesn't really matter when they end up sipping the other's drink as well.

 

 

1.

jiwon's looking forward to jinhwan's home-cooked dinner, to complain to jinhwan about how his class of brats teased him again, to listen to jinhwan's laughs and see his smiles under the warm glow of their lamp, so a feeling akin to dread fills him when jiwon sees two missed calls and a voicemail left by jinhwan.

 

"hey jiwon-ah, i won't be able to make dinner today, sorry. one of the puppies is sick and i'm the only one available, so i need to take care of it.  
mrs kwon's stuck out of town so she can't make it back by today to take over. i probably won't be coming home early too so you don't have to wait up yea? sorry again, rest well tonight, love you."

 

hearing jinhwan's voice, though a little frenzied, lifts the weight off jiwon's heart, and he breathes a sigh of relief, the unknown black fear of jinhwan being hurt or in danger dispersing as he replays jinhwan's message, if only to hear jinhwan's "love you" once more.

 

and that's how jiwon arrives at the apartment, turning the keys and pushing the door open to be greeted with a silent and dark room, without the light from the kitchen fading in, without the low buzz of the radio or television, without a warm body somewhere in the apartment, just like how it was before jinhwan moved in and jiwon can't help but sigh heavily. he trudges towards his room to take a shower, before finally entering the kitchen as he searches through the cupboard, finding the ever-delicious ramyun packets stacked up high. he misses jinhwan _terribly_. jiwon finishes his dinner in silence, save for the voices coming from the television, but jiwon doesn't really hear what they are saying, he just needs some voice around the house. it takes him back to the time when he first came to korea, when he was alone, tired and lonely, he'd turn on the television then too, trying to imagine himself being back in the warmth of his home, watching the shows with his family, nonetheless, it was all just an imagination.

 

jiwon just sits on the couch blankly after he washes the cutleries, and he feels a little lost. what was it that he usually do after dinner? besides spending time with jinhwan, _what_ does he do? he could prepare for tomorrow's lesson, but the main focus is to help his students for their performance, so there's nothing really to prepare for. he could play some games, but what's the use of it when there's no one to play with? sighing, jiwon fiddles with his phone, and wonders if jinhwan will be too busy to answer his call. still, the aching in his heart prompts him to press the little call button next to jinhwan's name on his phone. it's ridiculous, how he's holding his breath while waiting for jinhwan to pick up, hope filling his heart, but the happiness he feels soaring in his heart when the call gets through on the fifth ring is indescribable.

 

"jiwon? is everything alright? why are you calling me?"

"jinhwan-hyung... yes, everything's alright. i just...i miss you."

"oh silly boy. you had me worried for a moment there. have you eaten yet?"

"mmhmm, what about you, hyung?"

"not quite, i've just been eating some snacks here at the shop. i can't really leave the puppy alone. but don't worry about me, jiwon-ah."

"mmkay hyung. take care okay? i'll see you soon."

"yep, go get some rest. i miss you too, jiwon-ah, goodnight."

 

and jiwon ends the call after whispering a "goodnight, jinhwan-hyung.", before he rushes into his room to change, grabs his wallet, keys and jacket, and heads out of his apartment again, never mind the fact that he has already showered. he drops by a nearby chicken shop, orders a set enough for one, and heads on his way towards jinhwan's pet shop. and a few minutes after, he has reached the pet shop and a message to jinhwan sees him entering the shop through the back door, a bewildered jinhwan following behind him.

 

"what-"

"i bought you food, hyung!"

 

jiwon says, his hand lifting up the black plastic bag with the chicken, and a soft loving smile appears on jiwon's face when jinhwan's tired face lights up with a bright smile, a smile that so easily fills the emptiness in his heart. he lets jinhwan guide him to the pantry of the shop, taking care to not let the shop's pet dog, bap, enter the pantry. and jiwon watches as jinhwan eat, his lips as they close around the chopsticks, his puffed out mouth as jinhwan stuffs himself, his look of utter delight as he munches on his food. jiwon catches the little happy sigh escaping from jinhwan's lips, and jiwon feels proud when the chicken's polished off, with a satisfied jinhwan smiling next to him. but, jiwon feels a slight sense of regret, regret that he's not able to cook something for jinhwan when jinhwan has always been the one who cooks even before they got together. and jiwon promises himself that _one day_ , he's going to make a special meal for jinhwan.

 

it's when jiwon opens his mouth to ask about what's wrong with the puppy that jinhwan says is sick, that both of them hear a heart-wrenching whine. jinhwan's out of the room in the next second, the precious smile on his face erased, giving way to a worried frown. jiwon's just about to follow jinhwan when bap pads into the pantry, before scrambling up the chair jinhwan has vacated, trying to get a bite of the leftover chicken bones. jiwon immediately pulls bap away, crying out "no, no, no, no!" as he struggles with bap's weight, he sure has grown a lot since the first time jiwon saw him. but now bap's giving him his puppy look, and jiwon almost gives in before he makes up his mind, packs up the food and bundles it tightly to throw away, which only led to bap giving him the cold treatment when jiwon does throw out the rubbish. and it's a strange sight which greets jinhwan when he finds them, jiwon desperately trying to get bap's attention with the dog turning away unyieldingly.

 

"hyung help! bap's ignoring me!"

 

jiwon pleads, flinging himself onto jinhwan once he catches sight of him, looking utterly _devastated_ and jinhwan can only laugh, shaking his head as he moves to help jiwon by fetching bap's favourite toy. bap's instantly attracted to his toy, now in jiwon's hands, and it seems as though he has forgotten all about jiwon and his betrayal, so to speak, delighting jiwon to no end. he plays with bap for a few more moments, trying to teach bap new tricks when he looks up, only to find jinhwan resting his head on his arms, folded on the table, eyelids shut, his body rising and falling as he breathes in and out. he figures the sick puppy must be in a better condition now, judging by the way jinhwan has let down his guard, as he shushes bap and shoos him back towards his kennel. jiwon watches as bap paces around in circles endearingly, before settling down, all curled up and ready to sleep, then leaves to go back to jinhwan.

 

he lifts jinhwan up as gently as he can, taking care not to jostle jinhwan in his sleep as he shifts jinhwan onto the couch, and it goes to show how tired jinhwan must have been to only stir once while being moved. jinhwan fits nicely onto the three-seater couch, and jiwon wants to lie down by jinhwan so much, or better yet, take him back _home_ for him to sleep on a proper bed curled up in jiwon's arms. but jiwon knows that jinhwan will probably kill him for that, leaving behind a just recovered puppy at the shop. so he crouches down, his eyes in line with jinhwan's face, and fixes jinhwan's fringe lightly, the black strands of hair contrasting greatly with the pale skin of jinhwan. jiwon presses a loving kiss on jinhwan's forehead then, before making his way out of the shop to get back to his apartment. but a look back at jinhwan causes jiwon to retrace his steps, shrug off his jacket to cover jinhwan's torso, and he's gone through the back door, thanking mrs kwon silently for installing an auto-lock door as he walks back to his apartment, streetlights highlighting his single presence under the dark sky.

 

his bed feels just a little too big for him that night.

 

but, jiwon thinks it's okay come next morning, when the next thing he sees after turning off the alarm on his phone is a photo sent by jinhwan, jinhwan with his hair mused, lips puckered, eyes curved, with the caption of "good morning.", and jiwon's just about to reply when he receives another notification. beep. a photo of jinhwan again winking at him, "miss me?". beep. a photo of bap sleeping, "what did you do with him? he won't wake up!". beep. a photo of jinhwan sticking out his tongue while mrs kwon smiles next to him, "mrs kwon sends her love too.". beep. a video of jinhwan waving at him, smiling angelically, saying "have fun at school today, love you!"

 

record.

 

"jinhwan-hyung! i love you too!"

 

send. 

 

 

0.

"mr kim! your _boyfriend_ is here."

 

and jiwon, along with the rest of the class, boys and girls alike, turns his head to look out of the window to find jinhwan standing outside with his eyes wide, before his expression turns to one of embarrassment, waving his hand shyly at the onslaught of at least twenty pairs of eyes now focused on him. a student jumps out of his seat to head towards the door to welcome jinhwan in, but _of course_ jiwon's there by the time he even took a second step.

 

"hey hyung."

 

jiwon starts, voice warm, barely containing the surprise and delight he feels swirling in his chest, but a series of loud coos and giggles sounds from his back, and jiwon feels like kicking all of his students out of class that instant. jinhwan beams up at him in greeting, eyes unbearably soft as he laughs lightly at the antics of jiwon's students. he lifts up the plastic bags he's holding, and jiwon's eyes light up as his stomach rumbles in approval.

 

"hello, i brought lunch, when's your break?"

"break is now!"

"but mr kim! didn't you say it'll be at one-thirty?"

"early break, whatever. shoo, just come back in two hours or so."

"two hours?!"

"yeah! mr kim you rock!"

 

and his students stream out of the classroom, bubbling and re-energised by the sudden long break jiwon offered, amidst choruses of "hi jinhwan-oppa!", "jinhwan-hyung!", "we'll see you later jinhwan-hyung!", with jinhwan waving sweetly as he stands by the door, watching the students go pass him. the quietness sets in after the students leave for the canteen, leaving jinhwan and jiwon alone in his classroom, and jiwon's arms immediately goes around jinhwan's shoulders, guiding him to a table to set out the food. he'd better make use of the two hours he has with jinhwan before his students swamp around jinhwan after their break, as per previous experiences.

 

"kimbap, tteokbokki, odaeng, are these okay?"

"anything's okay!"

 

 _anything's_ okay if it's brought, cooked, bought by jinhwan, as long as jiwon gets to spend time with jinhwan, anything's fine, it's not every day he gets to spend lunchtime with jinhwan afterall. and jiwon finds out jinhwan's dismissed early, having been given the day, as well as the rest of the week, off by mrs kwon as insisted by the lady. jinhwan pouts as he says this, and jiwon can practically see jinhwan's mind drifting off to the pets back at the store, so he flicks jinhwan's forehead, reminding him that he should be resting or taking a break from the pet shop. but jinhwan makes a face, not pleased with jiwon's answer, and jiwon wonders how adorable one can look as he pinches jinhwan's nose. and that's when he hears a shutter sound, followed by a muttered curse. marching towards the open window, jiwon glances down to find two of his students, suhyun and hayi, crouching low, hands gripping their cellphones tightly.

 

"yah! lee suhyun! lee hayi!"

"h-hi mr kim! oh, hayi-ah! the queue at the canteen should be shorter now right? let's go!"

 

suhyun splutters something out as she grabs a dazed hayi and runs away from the classroom as fast as possible.

 

"these girls..."

"they're cute."

 

jinhwan giggles, but he's so obviously flustered with the way his ears are dipped in pink. jiwon pulls a long face, muttering "these brats." under his breath. but he shakes his head fondly, because they're still his students afterall, though slightly rowdy and mischievous, jiwon loves his class still.

 

but much to the dismay of jiwon, the two hours with jinhwan flies by, with jiwon showing off some of his students works, gesturing animatedly as he talks about their upcoming performance and their wonderful ideas, and all too soon, his students start to file into the classroom, and as much as jiwon wants jinhwan to stay with him, he knows it's class time. but that doesn't mean he can't use this chance to show off jinhwan.

 

"kids! you're in for a treat today! because jinhwannie-hyung will be singing for you guys!"

 

and jinhwan whirls around to face jiwon, eyes wide with shock and disbelief, opening his mouth to protest when the class erupts into cheers, with jiwon grinning gleefully at him. jinhwan sends him a glare as he lets himself be pulled to the front of the class, standing small beside jiwon, who is sitting on his desk with his guitar ready. jiwon pleads him through his eyes, "come on, hyung." and starts tapping a beat on his guitar, before his fingers strums the guitar strings to form a melody that jinhwan easily recognises, and two beats into the strumming, jinhwan closes his eyes and starts singing, letting the music and lyrics flow through his mind. and the students watch in awe as jinhwan covers 2ne1's lonely in front of them. it's quiet and simple, with just a guitar for accompaniment, yet so _so_ beautiful.

 

it's silent when the last strum of the guitar chords lingers in the air, enveloping everyone comfortably. and jiwon thinks jinhwan looks _ethereal_ , even if he's just standing in a dingy classroom, dressed plainly under glaring fluorescent lights, jiwon's so proud of jinhwan, and _so_ in love with him. jinhwan sends a shy peak under his eyelashes, wondering about the silence before the class bursts into applause, breathless, and jinhwan quickly becomes embarrassed again when jiwon's students start to crowd around him, towering over him even if they are just teenages.

 

"guys, guys! give him some space to breath! guys!"

 

jiwon pushes past his students to get to jinhwan, a protective arm going around jinhwan as he waves away his students, making sure that jinhwan is tucked safely beside him. and it's only when jiwon raises his voice that his students listen and head back to their seats, muttering disappointedly as jiwon announces that it's time for jinhwan to leave and for them to carry on with their work.

 

jiwon sends a slightly ruffled jinhwan to the door, straightening his jacket and brushing off imaginary dust from jinhwan's small shoulders, but jiwon's hand lingers on the back of jinhwan's neck, and even though jiwon knows he shouldn't be clinging onto jinhwan, he just can't _bear_ to let jinhwan leave, and it seems like jinhwan's feeling the same too, with the way he's holding jiwon's other hand lightly in his own, fiddling with jiwon's fingers as they just stand by the doorway, neither speaking a word. but the bell rings, and jiwon really has to get back to class, so he opens his mouth to say goodbye, only to be pulled down by jinhwan and he feels soft lips pressed to the side of his cheeks. he's shocked, pleasantly so, for jinhwan isn't one to do public displays of affection, and when jinhwan pulls back with cheeks aflame, biting on his lower lip, jiwon hates the fact that he's having a lesson because all he wants is jinhwan, right _now_.

 

"i had fun today, jiwon-ah. see you later at home. i'll leave first."

 

jinhwan says, voice light and soft, turning away when jiwon nods, his hand staying on jiwon's arm until the very last moment when jinhwan's too far away from jiwon, and jiwon stays by his classroom's door, his gaze following jinhwan until he exits the school, but not without a look back towards jiwon with a smile. jiwon grins back and waves, but he's soon blocked by his students, most leaning out of the window to wave goodbye at jinhwan too. and jiwon's grin turns to a frown because he can't see jinhwan anymore with the number of arms flailing about in front of his face, and by the time he finish shooing them back into the class, jinhwan has already left.

 

jiwon can't _wait_ for class to end.

 

 

-1. 

it's a late afternoon after lessons have ended, when he's on the way to his apartment from the library that jiwon gets the idea of asking jinhwan to stay with him. he has spotted jinhwan resting his head on the table, cushioned only by a large, thick textbook. a phone held inches away from the elder's face shows that jinhwan's not asleep, and so jiwon heads towards jinhwan, not that he'll leave even if jinhwan is asleep. it's the hand that cuts jinhwan's vision of his phone's screen that gets his attention, as he lifts his head slightly to stare up at the figure towering over him, a blank look on his face before his mind registers that it's just jiwon.

 

"kim jiwon."

 

and jiwon smiles back toothily in greeting, hearing jinhwan say his korean name. it's not that others do not, hanbin does sometimes, but it's different from jinhwan who uses it constantly. jiwon doesn't think jinhwan uses his english name much, except maybe that time when jinhwan managed access to a closely guarded rehearsal for a school performance, and called "bobby." in a loud voice just as jiwon's getting ready to head backstage after his rehearsal performance. jiwon did well, _really_ well for his performance that day.

 

"why are still here hyung? your lessons ended like what, 3 hours ago?"

"my shift's in the evening today, and it's such a chore travelling to my apartment and back, so i might as well stay in school to study."

"study?"

 

a raised eyebrows from jiwon because jinhwan looked like he was doing anything but studying when he saw him, but he only earns a resolute nod from jinhwan as he insisted, "yes, study.". jinhwan's unbelievably adorable, jiwon thinks as he pulls back a chair to sit down, still, he knows how tiring it is for jinhwan to travel to and fro his apartment.

 

"jinhwan-hyung, why don't you move in with me?"

 

jiwon has a spare room, one that he doesn't really have much use for, except maybe collect dust, and it's a not too shabby room either, with just a little cleaning and a magic touch from jinhwan if he does decides to move in, jiwon's sure that it'll be amazing. jinhwan knows this too, for he's been to jiwon's apartment enough times to know the existence of the empty room, and jiwon can tell jinhwan's weighing his options in his mind.

 

"you can save travel time to school, and it's close to where you're working, hyung. besides, you'll have the bonus of kim jiwon!"

 

jiwon adds the last bit as a joke, puffing up his chest in a proud manner, thinking it'll make jinhwan laugh his tinkling laughter. but instead, jinhwan seems to come to a conclusion then, the cloud in his eyes clearing up as he smiles brightly at jiwon.

 

"i'll talk about it with my landlord, but i think it should be okay!"

"really? you're thinking of moving in with me?"

"yep! oh, or were you just joking...?"

"what? no! no no of course not. i'll talk to my landlord too, jinhwan-hyung."

 

the disappointment in jinhwan's voice as he misunderstands sends a chill throughout jiwon's body, but as he rushes to clarify, with jinhwan's face brightening as relief floods his features, jiwon feels his heart speeding up in excitement and a grin spreading across his face at the thought of jinhwan moving in with him.

 

life's great, jiwon thinks as he waits for jinhwan to pack up his stuff. life's awesome, jiwon thinks as he walks a chatty jinhwan to his job. and as he looks at jinhwan waving bye to him with a _beautiful_ smile on his face, jiwon's voice comes out softly.

 

"life's wonderful."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry for not updating recently, but life's busy right now with school..  
> i'll try to write, but i can't guarantee a quick update, thanks for your understanding!


	5. one

 

 

 

 

 

1.

jiwon has been friends with jinhwan for four years, four long years, two years in which he realised that jinhwan's probably one of the most important people in his life, one year in which jiwon realised that jinhwan's as dear to him as his family is, and another year for jiwon to know that he'd really, really, _really_ like jinhwan to be his and only his. But despite all those four years of wonder spent with jinhwan, jiwon never had the courage to confess. a conflicted heart, an uncertain mind, a guilty soul, jiwon was. besides, he's not even sure if his feelings will be reciprocated.

 

but then again, when he thinks of all the moments that jinhwan and him have shared, the touches, the gazes, the smiles, the laughter, it's clear to jiwon that jinhwan likes him almost as much as jiwon does to jinhwan. almost, but not more, because jiwon is _sure_ that there won't be another love in this world that can beat his feelings for jinhwan, not even jinhwan himself.

 

he will confess, jiwon decides as he lies on his bed in the dark, staring up at the ceiling, and it needs to be perfect. nothing too extravagant, because jiwon is a simple man, nothing too plain, because jinhwan deserves the absolute best, it needs to be just, perfect.

 

"jiwon-ah, i like you."

 

it's in the middle of a study session with jinhwan at a cafe they frequent that jinhwan confesses, and jiwon's in disbelief.

 

"...you stole my confession hyung."

"it's your fault for taking so long."

"i know hyung, sorry. i like you too."

 

jinhwan just gives a soft laugh, eyes crinkling at the edges as he knocks jiwon's head lightly. jiwon grins back, embarrassed, but his reply to jinhwan's confession falls easily from his lips, as if he's meant to say it ever since they've met, and the warmth spreading in his heart is enough to fill his whole body.

 

"what's this? 'like'? only?"

"well hyung, you said 'like' only too!"

 

jinhwan jokes, pouting cutely in a way that has jiwon clenching his fists because all he wants to do now is to swoop in and kiss the pout away. he replies cheekily instead and breaks into a laugh, with jinhwan joining him, their laughter blending in nicely with together. and jiwon takes this opportunity to reach out and hold jinhwan's hand in his, a soft expression spreading across his face.

 

"i can do this now then, right hyung?"

"you say that like you don't already do that, jiwon-ah."

"yes, but you see, now i have an excuse to do it more often."

 

jiwon runs his thumb over jinhwan's knuckles, feeling the dips and arches of the soft, smooth hand beneath his, feeling a shiver of happiness when jinhwan brushes his thumb back and forth over his fingers, once, twice, thrice.

 

"let's get back to work."

 

jinhwan's hand slips from his grip all too soon and before jiwon can even protest, jinhwan's already has his headphones over his ears, head bent as he continues flipping through the pages of his notes. making a face, jiwon jams in his earphones as well, sighing deeply as he follows suit and buries his head deep into the mountain of reference books. he can't believe he's spending their first official date _studying_ , but he certainly appreciates that surprise kiss jinhwan presses to the crown of his head.

 

the confession is nothing extraordinary, it's very simple, it's not even _from_ him. but, jiwon thinks as he stares at his beauty of a boyfriend in front of him, it's beyond perfect.

 

 

0.

jiwon hears singing as he slowly draws himself out of his nap, a soft, melodious voice singing so softly jiwon can barely make out the words, but he savours it for a moment, eyes still closed as he continues resting his head in the nest he made with his hoodie. it's jinhwan, jiwon thinks blearily, but a sudden thought pops up in his hazy mind and jiwon realises that the voice is too light and too airy to be that of jinhwan's. so it can only be-

 

"donghyuk?"

 

jiwon's voice is husky and low since he has just woken up and it shouldn't matter much, but jiwon knows that it has affected donghyuk more than it should when the younger greets him after a beat too long, breath hitching so softly jiwon wouldn't even have noticed if not for the silence in the library.

 

"ah hyung! did i disturb you? sorry..."

"no, no. it's fine."

 

jiwon sits up then, yawning and stretching his arms high into the air, waving away donghyuk's apologies and he belatedly notices the jacket that has fallen off his shoulders to pool at his bottom of his chair. muttering apologies, jiwon bends over to pick it up, dusting it lightly before handing it to donghyuk, who only looks at him with a confused expression. and that's when jiwon realises it's his _own_ jacket, the dark blue one that kept jinhwan warm earlier.

 

"oh, this is mine."

 

and donghyuk smiles, or at least, tries to hide his giggles behind his smile as he watches jiwon mumble to himself. and jiwon moves to pack when donghyuk tells him it's late in the evening, only to find his stationery all tidied and zipped up in his pencil case, the stray pieces of papers he has used stacked together in a small pile under the pencil case. and a smile spreads across jiwon's face, jinhwan takes care of him too well.

 

"donghyuk-yah, do you want to get dinner together?"

"sure!"

 

a quick answer, and the orange shine of the sun masks the blush on donghyuk's face well, but also serves to accentuate the wide smile on his face. jiwon swallows down the apologetic feeling rising from his chest, and turns away to lead donghyuk to a nearby small restaurant. he wonders briefly if jinhwan has had his dinner, and a quick message and reply tells jiwon that jinhwan's having his dinner at the moment, with _jinhyeong_. jiwon feels a muscle twitch. huh.

 

it's a small old shop they've arrived at, and jiwon and donghyuk chat mindlessly as they eat their respective bowls of ramen, about the tiring courses, mean teachers, competitive school mates. it's nothing special to jiwon, not too awkward nor too comfortable, none too surprising, considering the fact that they are friends afterall.

 

"donghyuk-yah, you're a precious friend to me, you know that right?"

 

and jiwon pretends to not notice the slightly frozen expression on donghyuk's face, and wonders inwardly, whether he's being too cruel to him. donghyuk's a smart kid, and jiwon knows that donghyuk can recognise a line drawn when he sees, or hears, one.

 

"i know, hyung."

 

open resignation, suppressed sorrow, masked hurt, all lingering beneath the fake sweet smile and jiwon switches his gaze downwards, willing the guilt at the pit of his stomach to go away.

 

it stays.

 

 

-1.

jiwon watches as hanbin lays an arm round jinhwan's shoulders from the back of the bus and he feels an ugly monster snarling inside him, but he tries his best to quieten it because it's _hanbin_ for heaven's sake, his best friend, his buddy to the moon and beyond, his _family_. what's the point of being jealous of hanbin?

 

and it's his fault for taking it for granted that jinhwan will sit next to him when he boarded the bus, heading straight for the back seats only to find jinhwan seating himself a row in front of him, with hanbin planting himself right by jinhwan's side as junhoe and chanwoo filled up the seats beside jiwon while donghyuk and yunhyeong occupied the seats at the other side of the bus.

 

he gets a very good view of hanbin though, and jiwon sees that the sparkles in hanbin's eyes is uncommonly bright as he listens attentively to every word falling from jinhwan's lips, and the expression on hanbin's face is so similar to the expression he gives to hanbyul, only with a tinge of _something more_. and jiwon hates the fact that he's stuck in a love triangle, with hanbin no less.

 

but there's a smile playing on hanbin's lips specially reserved for jinhwan and jiwon has never seen hanbin so _happy_ , walking around the aquarium with jinhwan as jinhwan marvels at the wonder in the tanks, that jiwon figures he should let hanbin have his day with jinhwan because he's his best friend after all. 

 

still, jiwon can't help but gravitate towards jinhwan as he slings a casual arm around the smaller male, leaning over towards hanbin as he teases his best friend of having a fish look-a-like while hanbin protests vehemently. but hanbin doesn't seem as put out as the other times when he got teased by jiwon, maybe it's due to the fact that jinhwan's laughing along prettily as well.

 

"hanbin-ah, do have someone you like?"

 

jiwon asks when they're alone in the observation wheel carriage. while both of them would rather be with jinhwan, they were a step too late when junhoe slid up to jinhwan and entered the carriage with jinhwan tugging on his hand. it'll be nice if chanwoo was to be with hanbin and jiwon too, jiwon thinks, but yunhyeong's vice-like grip on him and donghyuk required too much effort to pry off, and chanwoo has long since given up on trying before they got into the second carriage, leaving behind jiwon and hanbin for the third.

 

"yea i do. what about you hyung?"

"me too."

"hmm... i'm not going to wish you luck."

"yah! brat!"

 

jiwon's offended, truly, while hanbin sniggers at him teasingly, before turning his head to look out at the scenery beneath them, the green dots of trees and toy cars speeding across highways, a wistful look with a dash of sadness in his eyes. jiwon wonders how much does hanbin know about his feelings.

 

and how much truth is imbued in hanbin's words.

 

 

-2.

"guys, we have a performance tonight at ten, do you want to come?"

 

minho, seungyoon and taehyun are with them today for lunch, the ten of them taking up two tables in the canteen. minho's expectant, and taehyun and seungyoon are too, but hanbin, chanwoo, yunhyeong, donghyuk and junhoe all shakes their head, murmuring apologetic reasons of back-to-back extra lessons, work and more. chanwoo's reason of his mother not allowing him to be out so late draws laughter from the table, but there's no mistakening the disappointed expressions on their friends' faces.

 

"i'll be there."

 

jinhwan says then, smiling at minho as his expression brightens up like a child.

 

"me too. hyung, text us the location later!"

 

jiwon adds in too, and he wonders how minho can be his hyung when minho hooks an arm around his neck, shouting and claiming that jinhwan and jiwon are the "best-est" friends ever, much to the chagrin of seungyoon, who protests loudly whilst the others, including jiwon, laugh at their antics. but he sees taehyun dipping his head towards jinhwan's ear from the corner of his eye, lips moving to form silent words, a concerned expression on his face.

 

"it's fine, we're still friends you know."

 

jiwon's ears catches the soft and low tone of jinhwan's whisper with ease, and albeit curious, jiwon pushes it back down because jinhwan has already said that it's fine, so there's nothing to worry about, right?

 

the performance, it turns out, is at a small cafe, tucked in a hidden alleyway that jinhwan seems all to familiar with. jiwon finds out that jinhwan's been here before with minho and taehyun when he came to stay them for a year or so five years back. nothing has really changed, according to jinhwan, and jiwon's glad that minho and taehyun get to perform at one of their favourite places. "it's a good new addition to the memories we have here." is what jinhwan said before they entered the cafe, pushing past the wooden door to reveal a warm interior, flowers and vines and photographs decorating cream-coloured walls, lightbulbs hidden in white translucent spheres, emitting a soft orange glow, and lit candles in small bulbs atop white-painted tables, all lending a hand to create a cozy ambience. and further in the cafe is a small wooden stage, prepared already with five high stools with a microphone positioned at waist level by one of them.

 

"seungyoon-hyung's playing the guitar? oh man, this is going to be _good_."

 

jiwon claps gleefully, heart already filling with anticipation as he takes a seat opposite jinhwan near the stage, but his jaw drops when he sees _jinwoo_ and _seunghoon_ walking up the stage behind seungyoon, minho and taehyun. jiwon all but shrieks at seeing his two hyungs, because heck, it's been at least three years since he last saw them, and the only reason he's not jumping up from his seat is the calming hand on his arm. the hand that stays on throughout as their friends performed some self-composed songs and covers. it's distracting, the warm weight on his arm, but jiwon enjoys it nonetheless, the warmth and the performance of course. he's only slightly disappointed when the warmth disappears as jinhwan claps feverently for their friends when the performance has ended.

 

the first of his friends he sees coming out from the backstage is jinwoo, and before jinhwan can even move, jiwon has already rushed towards him, tackling jinwoo with a hug that emits years of missing him, and the hand patting jiwon's head is something jiwon still remembers since three years ago. he's just about to hold on tighter when he hears a thin voice calling out "jinhwan-ah.". _jinhwan-ah?_

 

and jiwon turns his head just in time to see seunghoon stretching out his long arms to wrap around jinhwan's small frame, with jinhwan's face buried into the chest of the other as his arms come up to squeeze the older back, before he slowly pulls away to smile up at seunghoon, eyes shining with a _dazzling_ smile playing on his lips.

 

"seunghoon-hyung, you did great today."

"of course i did. i'm glad you came, jinhwan-ah."

 

it's a typical reply, save the part where seunghoon calls jinhwan so intimately, but jiwon can't stop staring at the hand lingering on jinhwan's waist even after they've broken the hug, nor can he stop thinking about the fondness in seunghoon's voice directed at jinhwan.

 

"you know seunghoon-hyung?"

 

the words come tumbling out before jiwon can stop them, surprise and a pinch of something unknown colouring his tone. a conflicted expression passes through jinhwan's features, but before jinhwan even manages to part his lips to answer, jinwoo does it for him.

 

"of course they do! they've _dated_ before, so i would really be surprised if jinhwan doesn't know him."

 

jinwoo laughs at his own words, and jiwon feels as if someone has poured a bucket of iced water down his back, as if someone has stolen all his air to distribute to the wind, and plucked out his heart to throw it down a sinkhole. but the worst part is, jiwon doesn't know why he's feeling this way.

 

"ahh that was in the past though, we're just friends now."

 

seunghoon adds on quickly, and finally, _finally_ removes his hand from jinhwan's waist and jiwon feels his lungs filling up and heart beating again. he doesn't know why he's feeling like this, so uncomfortable, so angry, so upset, so jealous, so- oh. _oh._

 

jiwon meets seunghoon's gaze then, and he's utterly thrown off with the knowing look in his eyes. his hyung always has the disconcerting ability to grasp the situation immediately, but this time, really, this time he has outdone himself, for seunghoon managed to realise it the minute jiwon turned away from jinwoo, his precious hyung he hasn't seen in ages, to stare at jinhwan in his embrace. seunghoon realised it before jiwon himself even realised it.

 

the fact that jiwon is, hopelessly and utterly, in love with kim jinhwan.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> late update, but i hope you'll like this chapter!
> 
>  
> 
> i'm not sure if and how i'll carry on this fic, but if you have any comments or suggestions please feel free to tell me (:


	6. zero

 

 

 

 

 

0.

it's noisy. clinks of glasses topped with alcohol, murmurs and laughter ringing off the walls, strong beats pounding out of the speakers as bodies dance along beneath the stage. jiwon's aching to get on stage, to perform and feel the cheers, especially those of jinhwan's and jiwon chances a peek though the side of the stage, only to get whacked in the back of his head.

 

"no peeking."

 

jiho reminds sternly and jiwon can only nod meekly because jiho's scary when he's running his business and no one wants to mess with him when he's in that mood. minho comes up behind him and claps him on his back, cheery laugh easing the tension in jiwon's shoulders and it almost makes him forget his soon-to-come performance, until jiho steps up on stage to introduce the opening acts as the owner of the club.

the opening acts pass in a blur as jiwon moves about the backstage restlessly, and jiwon tenses up even more when it's finally his turn to perform. but minho just thumps his back once more, and jiwon barely has time to respond as jiho grips his shoulders to say "don't disappoint me." teasingly and shoves him up onto the stage with a grin on his face.

the stage is dark, but jiwon's still able to see the audience and his eyes are drawn towards a small figure by the bar, seated with a few other bodies, slender fingers wrapped around a glass of champagne while enjoying the performances. jiwon just feels his nervousness seeping from his body while controlled confidence gets pumped in, the desire to perform well running higher than ever. eyes shut, jiwon takes a deep breath as he hears the signal through his earpiece. exhale.

and he starts, music and light flooding his senses at the sound of his voice. the cheers, screams, energy flowing in the club, they're _incredible_. jiwon rides that energy, gives it his all, and is utterly satisfied when screams pierce the club as jiwon pulls up his shirt to reveal his hard-earned _chocolate abs_ that jiwon's so proud of. but of course, jiwon misses the slight frown crossing jinhwan's face and it's only when he hears his name as he prepares to leave the stage after his performance that he sees that jinhwan's near the stage.

and he's thoroughly shocked when jinhwan fists his shirt and pulls him down, tiptoeing to crush his lips against jiwon's amidst heightened screams and whistles, before breaking the kiss to breathe a "you're mine." by his ears, low and possessive, before pushing jiwon back up. and jiwon lets out a curse once he reaches backstage, collapsing onto the floor as jinhwan's words repeat themselves in jiwon's head. jiwon's hands come up to hide his _burning_ face and he curses again and again, because jinhwan has just pushed his adrenaline running in his body to a whole new high and he'll be damned if jiwon doesn't take jinhwan when they reach home.

 

"woah...jiho-yah, how is 'okey dokey' gonna top that?"

"that, really is the top..."

"jinhwannie's...really, really the best."

 

and jiwon agrees wholeheartedly.

 

 

-1.

"you know, it's only going to be two weeks jiwon-ah."

"we'll see each other again in no time."

"seriously, you make me sound as if i'm the one leaving the country."

"but hyung, why couldn't you buy one ticket for yourself as well? i want you to meet my family..."

"because this trip is for you jiwon-ah. for you to spend time with your family and friends. besides, i can always meet them some other time you see, like when you bring them to korea!"

"don't worry about me, i'll be fine."

 

that's what jinhwan says before they're off to the airport and jinhwan kisses jiwon goodbye at the departure hall. jiwon hates how small and alone jinhwan looks as he waits for jiwon to disappear from his sight and jiwon can't wait to reach america, see his friends and family and call jinhwan. jiwon thinks it's funny how he always seems to be leaving something or someone important behind.

 

"and the food there is great, jinhwan-hyung, you've got to try it next time i bring you there. but i still miss korean food..."

 

jiwon's video calling jinhwan from his phone, fresh from the shower after long day at a amusement park with his cousins. he can see the light of the sun shining on jinhwan's hair and jiwon has to remind himself that he only has to get through just a few more days before he'll be back in their apartment, back in jinhwan's warmth. but he hears a voice and jiwon's puzzled because isn't jinhwan usually getting ready for work at this time of the day? why is there someone else with him?

 

"look at what yunhyeonggie prepared! korean food and none for you!."

 

jinhwan's voice sounds static as jiwon watches yunhyeong's dishes appear on his phone's screen, stomach rumbling even though jiwon has already had dinner. the food's blurry and shaky and jinhwan's delightful voice can be heard, but jiwon can't help but feel that something's wrong and he isn't aware of it.

 

"i don't have work today and yunhyeonggie agreed to cook! lucky~"

"i just said i miss korean food and you show me this? hyung, how could you!"

 

jiwon fakes hurt while yunhyeong dashes into the screen to tease jiwon, pressing close to a giggling jinhwan by his side. just a few more days, jiwon can't wait to get back to jinhwan.

except that jiwon didn't expect to see an _injured_ jinhwan waiting at the arrival gate, holding onto chanwoo for support, careful not to place pressure on his bandaged ankle while yunhyeong waits by their side. and jiwon goes a little stunned with shock because whatever happened during his stay overseas?!

 

"jiwon!"

 

jinhwan practically _flings_ himself onto jiwon when jiwon reaches them, short arms tight around jiwon's neck as jinhwan buries his face in jiwon's chest and his heart almost flies out and melts at the same time because he misses jinhwan so much but he's injured for goodness sake! so he opens his mouth to chide jinhwan when jinhwan offers a tiny apology, and the words just died in his throat.

 

"sorry, i just didn't want you to worry while you were having fun."

"what happened?"

 

jiwon asks instead, so so so _weak_ against jinhwan. jinhwan's smile turns embarrassed, and jiwon doesn't know whether he should laugh or cry with how clumsy jinhwan is.

 

"i tripped while chasing bap around the store..."

 

heaving a great sigh, jiwon can only shake his head while yunhyeong chuckles softly. and jiwon kneels down then, patting his shoulder and indicating jinhwan to hop on his back because there's no way jiwon's letting jinhwan walk in that state.

 

"i can walk jiwon-ah."

 

and as if to prove his point, jinhwan walks, no, limps a short distance before staggering a little and jiwon thanks the heavens for chanwoo, who had an inkling and rushed to his hyung to caught jinhwan before he fell.

 

"you let him limp here?"

 

yunhyeong looks affronted at the accusatory tone jiwon, and if not for the fact that yunhyeong knows how sensitive jiwon is about jinhwan, he'd have lectured jiwon already.

 

"hyung wouldn't let us carrying him!"

 

yunhyeong replies, still slightly miffed, and jiwon can only send him an apologetic look, before releasing his hold on his luggage to walk towards jinhwan and chanwoo, grabbing jinhwan's arms and practically hauling him up on his back as jinhwan lets out a surprised yelp. jinhwan, surprisingly, doesn't fight jiwon and turns pliant, resting his head on jiwon's shoulders. and jiwon turns around with a victorious grin to face an amused yunhyeong, luggage already in his hands, who leads the way to his car with chanwoo following beside jiwon as he looks at the couple with a soft look in his eyes.

 

"jinhwan-hyung was so excited you're coming back that he couldn't sleep."

 

chanwoo informs jiwon, glancing at the small hyung who's dozing off already on jiwon's back and jiwon grins. it's good to be back by jinhwan, he thinks.

 

 

-2.

"jinhwan-hyung, when are you free tomorrow?"

"i have some things to do in the morning, so jiwon you can come at around one?"

"sounds good, hyung."

"wait hold up, what's this? you guys are planning to go out without inviting us?"

 

jiwon feels as if hanbin has disturbed their own bubble when jinhwan turned at his voice, surprised at the sudden teasing intrusion. hanbin takes a seat by yunhyeong, who's playing with his phone, half-listening to jinhwan and jiwon converse, and junhoe slides into the seat next, one hand picking at a grape while the other whips out his phone. and jinhwan steals one too, popping it in his mouth before answering.

 

"oh no, i'm just moving my stuff over to jiwon's."

"what for though?"

"hyung's going to live with me from now on!"

 

jiwon cuts in excitedly, but honestly he's not expecting the exclamations from his friends, and he can tell jinhwan's shocked, though not less any amused, with the response as well. yunhyeong's offer of "hyung if you need a place to stay you can always come to junhoe and i!", hanbin's stunned "jinhwan-hyung, do you know how messy bobby-hyung actually is?" and of course, junhoe's desperate "why bobby!". okay, but jiwon's _offended_ , truly, by junhoe's tone.

 

"yah, i'm older than you goo junhoe, stop disrespecting me! you too kim hanbin!"

 

but it's a futile effort in making his dongsaengs listen to him, when all they can see and hear is their beloved hyung jinhwan's wide wide grin and his amused giggle, and even yunhyeong is of no help to jiwon at all.

 

"thanks for your offer yunhyeong-ah, but i don't mind though? jiwon's fine the way he is."

 

his heart shouldn't flutter, jiwon _knows_ his heart really shouldn't flutter but jinhwan's answer, complete with a crinkling eye-smile and a cute tilt of the head, makes jiwon want to pounce onto jinhwan and smother him with hugs and kisses. and he does just that, minus the kisses, but jiwon does drape himself all over jinhwan and nuzzle into the top of his head, much to the silent amusement of yunhyeong, hidden jealousy of hanbin, undisguised horror of junhoe.

 

"get off jinhwan-hyung!"

 

junhoe cries a little too dramatically, and engages himself and hanbin in a squabble with jiwon, jinhwan having disentangled himself quietly from the arms of jiwon and is now sitting on the sidelines with yunhyeong, sipping on his packet milk while watching the boisterous boys fight.

 

"jinhwan-hyung, do you...do you like bobby?"

 

yunhyeong takes the chance and asks, but when jinhwan doesn't answer, yunhyeong thinks that maybe his words has flittered by jinhwan like the wind, or maybe jinhwan just doesn't want to answer, either way, yunhyeong doesn't press on. but jinhwan turns to him with a soft smile, and replies with a voice a tad louder than a whisper.

 

"i don't know."

 

but yunhyeong's positively _certain_ that jinhwan does like bobby with the way his eyes soften as he gazes at the victim of the bullying duo, trying his best to fight off hanbin and junhoe. and yunhyeong wishes for jinhwan to clear up whatever confusion he has, for bobby to finally realise he's fallen in love since the first time he's set eyes on jinhwan, and get together already, because honestly, the pair is just _too_ _cute_ to not be true.

 

 

-3.

jinhwan's crying. jiwon blinks again and shakes his head a little, and yes, jinhwan's _crying_. he panics a little, a lot, and throws his bag by the side of the door and rushes to jinhwan's side.

 

"hyung!"

 

jiwon's all prepared to comfort jinhwan, maybe wrap his arms around jinhwan's tiny shoulders and sway gently side to side to make jinhwan feel better, but jiwon doesn't expect jinhwan to crash into his arms, burying his head into his chest and jiwon stills, because yes they are close to the point of casual arms around the shoulder, suffocating short hugs and nuzzles here and there.

but it's not to the point where jinhwan's practically lying on jiwon's torso, nor to the point where jiwon's able to count the tear droplets on jinhwan's _eyelashes_ when he looks up and jiwon just forgets how to breathe.

 

"what-what happened?"

 

jiwon manages to croak out, voice shaking and heart thumping, and jiwon just hopes that jinhwan's too distracted to notice the wild beating of his heart.

 

"i watched this really sad movie and..."

 

and jinhwan's voice breaks off, before burying his head once more into jiwon's chest and jiwon lets out a short laugh. a typical response of jiwon would be to laugh even more and tease jinhwan, as jinhwan is expecting, but right now, jiwon's body seems to be on auto-pilot as his hand comes up to jinhwan's head and his fingers start to card through jinhwan's soft, black hair, patting jinhwan's head as jinhwan's cries slowly die down to a hiccup.

 

"there's nothing wrong with crying over a movie, though that depends on what movie you were watching."

 

jiwon says lightly to a tear-streaked jinhwan and jiwon decides then and there that he _hates_ to see jinhwan's tears, be it happy or sad tears. he eases himself away from jinhwan, before walking to jinhwan's room and back to wrap jinhwan's blanket around his hyung, ignoring the puzzled gaze and occasional hiccup.

 

"dealing with the after-effects of you crying."

 

jiwon grins at jinhwan, now tucked snugly in his light blue blanket, who sniffles at him and pouts. and jiwon leaves and returns with tubs of ice-cream in his hands, heart warming up at he sees jinhwan's face light up, eyes sparkling for a different reason than before and yes, jiwon definitely like a smiling jinhwan better.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you'll like this!
> 
>  
> 
> please don't expect regular updates, i can't promise anything, but i hope you'll continue to support me with this work. thank you~


	7. -one

 

 

 

 

 

-1.

it's the holidays, and normally jiwon would be overjoyed for this long break. as much as he loves his students, some time away from those rowdy kids can never go wrong. except this break would be much better if jinhwan's here to spend it with him. jiwon sighs, his arms tightening around his pillow, wishing that it could be jinhwan instead. but, jiwon can't be so mean as to deny jinhwan a trip back to his hometown, can he? not when jinhwan did book him a flight back to his own family. jiwon would have went with jinhwan, except the strange atmosphere that settled around jinhwan when he brought up the matter made jiwon take back his suggestion. it had seemed sad.

 

sighing once more, jiwon struggles to get off his bed to actually start the day. he ends up rolling off his bed onto the lump of blanket he had supposedly kicked off the bed in his sleep. a groan and multiple grunts later, jiwon finally heads to the bathroom to wash up. the doorbell rings when he's brushing his teeth, and jiwon doesn't think much of it as he walks out with toothbrush in hand and toothpaste in mouth still.

 

it's yunhyeong, who tsks disapprovingly at jiwon's disheveled appearance once he opens the door.

 

"look at you, it's already 10 in the morning, look at you!"

 

jiwon groans at the nagging that comes out of yunhyeong's mouth immediately. "it's only 10, let me live!" jiwon grumbles back, except it only comes out as gurgled nonsense, what with the toothpaste foam in his mouth. yunhyeong looks positively disgusted as jiwon sprays tiny specks toothpaste foam from his mouth, and shoos jiwon back into the bathroom lest jiwon swallows the toothpaste. which he did, kinda, a little.

 

the smell of butter and toasted bread greets jiwon's nose as he leaves the bathroom, and despite being grumpy still at the morning disturbance and lack of jinhwan, jiwon's mood is slightly lifted with the knowledge of having yunhyeong's cooking for breakfast.

 

"jinhwan did tell me to check up on you, but i didn't think you would be like this..."

 

yunhyeong grumbles as he places one piece of bread on the plate, topping it with a perfectly cooked egg, adds ketchup and mayonnaise, along with another piece of bread to complete the sandwich. jiwon lights up at the sight of the sandwich jinhwan usually makes him as he settles into his seat, and reaches gleefully to snatch his breakfast up from the plate. it's not until he bites into the sandwich and melts in pleasure at the taste that he registers yunhyeong's words.

 

"hey! i can take care of myself!"

"yes, but not very well, may i add."

 

of course it'll be jiwon to have sauce smeared all over his mouth. yunhyeong hands over the tissue box with a shake of head fondly. to yunhyeong, watching jiwon eat is like watching a younger brother eat. perhaps this is why jinhwan's perpetually worrying over jiwon, going as far as to ask yunhyeong to check up on jiwon.

 

just then, yunhyeong's phone rings. checking it, yunhyeong's slightly surprised to see that it's jinhwan calling.

 

"jinhwan-hyung?"

 

and jiwon perks up at the mention of his boyfriend's name, yet inadvertently wondering why jinhwan would be calling yunhyeong instead of jiwon himself first.

 

"yunhyeong? are you at jiwon's already? he's not picking up his phone... is he sleeping still? it's already past 10."

 

the call's put on speaker, yunhyeong's laughing quietly at jinhwan's barrage of questions and jiwon pouts as he hears jinhwan's last sentence.

 

" _hyungg_ , it's only past 10!"

 

the whine places a small smirk on yunhyeong's face, while light chuckles can be heard from the phone. sometimes jiwon feels as if the oldest duo of their group loves ganging up on him especially. and it seems as though jinhwan knows what he's thinking even as he's more than four hundred kilometres away from jiwon.

 

"don't sulk jiwon-ah."

“yea, i made you breakfast, don't sulk."

 

yunhyeong adds on, and jiwon hears jinhwan gasp. laughing a little now, jiwon teases jinhwan back.

 

"haha, i have yunhyeongie's breakfast and you don't!"

 

there's unintelligible noises from jinhwan's side, yet jinhwan doesn't reply. jiwon exchanges looks with yunhyeong, both as puzzled as to why jinhwan isn't replying. it's more seconds of static, and jiwon lets out a worried call, "jinhwan?", concern growing as the time passes.

 

except the calls ends abruptly, a sudden disconnection of static that has jiwon standing up in haste, eyes wide with worry, as yunhyeong grabs at his phone hurriedly to re-dial jinhwan's number.

 

"HELLO!"

"WAH!"

"WAH!"

 

it's a loud exclamation that sends both yunhyeong and jiwon jerking and screaming, frightened out of their wits. and there's jinhwan, laughing and gasping for air, leaning against his luggage for support, tears in his eyes with his successful scare.

 

"hyung!!"

 

there's a mix of whines and complains from the younger two, yet jiwon can't be happier to see jinhwan back again. a minute later, and jiwon's latched onto jinhwan like a koala, just short of hanging off jinhwan.

 

"i missed you."

"me too."

 

jiwon whispers softly into jinhwan's ears, who reply just as softly, letting go of his luggage to hug jiwon properly. yunhyeong looks on by the side, left awkward and uncomfortable by the couple.

 

"i'll just, uh, make you another sandwich jinhwan-hyung."

 

and yunhyeong escapes back into the kitchen, his safe haven, words completely lost on jinhwan and jiwon.

 

well, yunhyeong thinks, at least the two are complete again.

 

 

-2.

jinhwan has been taking an interest in taking photographs, and it's cute, jiwon thinks, when jinhwan stops randomly while on the streets to capture whatever has caught his eye, uncaring of when and where he is. except, of course, when he's in the _middle_ of the roads. then, jiwon will drag jinhwan off and away to safety on the streets. jiwon always grumbles, and jinhwan always smiles sheepishly.

 

of course, jinhwan takes photos of him too, and jiwon has grown accustomed to hearing the snap of the camera whenever, wherever. be it the click that jolts jiwon out of morning stupor when he's just woken up, half-naked and brushing his teeth in the bathroom; or the click that startles jiwon awake, and it's usually followed by jinhwan's twinkling laughter that seems to make up for waking him up from his light nap; or the click that jiwon sometimes hear when he's focused on reviewing and grading his students' works, though he doesn't pay that much attention to that since it's only jinhwan; or the click that interrupts the comfortable silence jiwon and jinhwan share when they're out on the streets, hands held tight as they weave through the people.

 

and jiwon's relieving all those memories as he's flipping through the photo album from jinhwan after his shower.

 

but it's making jiwon all choked up too, especially with the short captions handwritten by jinhwan. notes of when and where they went under photographs of the sky, streets, sunset; thoughts of his boyfriend himself under the photographs of jiwon; and the small comments with teasing remarks written at the sides, decorating the whole photo album with jinhwan's love.

 

he takes a deep breath, in an attempt to calm down his heart and his emotions, lest he cries and gets puffy eyes, to which will only worry jinhwan more. it takes several minutes, but jiwon's finally able to control himself, and even if he did get a little teary-eyed, it's still better than a full on wailing that would no doubt draw jinhwan's concern.

 

he goes to enter jinhwan's room then, and he finds jinhwan on his bed with his reading glasses on, reading a book as he sits up on his bed, pillows behind his back. jinhwan looks up as he hears the door open, smiles softly.

 

"hey birthday boy."

 

jiwon replies by getting onto jinhwan's bed and snuggling close to jinhwan, long arms wrapping around jinhwan, burying his head into the side of jinhwan. jinhwan's hand rests on his head minutes later, fingers running through his black hair.

 

"you're too good for me, jinhwan-hyung."

"so you should treat me well then."

 

jinhwan's smug, yet he doesn't stop the treading of jiwon's hair with his left hand while he continues reading with his right. jiwon sighs, leaning into jinhwan's touch.

 

"of course."

 

and jiwon hugs him closer, holds him tighter. he'd make sure to treat jinhwan well, he definitely will. he's going to give jinhwan the world.

 

 

-3.

when jiwon mentioned offhandedly that maybe their group should go on a trip together, he didn't think that it would actually happen. not when usually, most of their plans were only just that, plans. so when hanbin actually went ahead to book a small guest house for the seven of them at a resort at the outskirts of seoul, jinhwan is understandably excited.

 

"hyung, we're not even going overseas, why are you packing so much?"

 

and that, is the answer to why jinhwan's struggling to zip his carry bag.

 

jiwon's just leaning by the wall of jinhwan's room, looking at jinhwan's struggle when jinhwan pauses and pouts at jiwon.

 

"jiwon help, please?"

 

so by now jiwon's immune to jinhwan's pout, he really is. he's immune to the puppy look that jinhwan's giving him, he's immune to that slight tremble of jinhwan's lips and the watery eyes...

 

" _goddammit_ hyung, where did you learn that from?"

 

jiwon grits his teeth as he tries his best to squeeze the bag till it's just enough to zip it up.

 

"from chanwoo!"

 

jinhwan's eyes are, unsurprisingly, dry again as he chirps back his reply.

 

jiwon sighs internally, looks like the devil that is jung chanwoo has gotten to jinhwan as well. _still_ , jiwon knows deep down that he won't be able to resist helping jinhwan, with or without chanwoo's tactic.

 

a message from hanbin arrives, and jiwon and jinhwan are out of their apartment to meet hanbin to go to the place where a shuttle bus from the resort will pick them up. yunhyeong, chanwoo, donghyuk and junhoe have already arrived at the venue, and minutes after jiwon, hanbin and jinhwan reached, a bus comes along to fetch them to the resort.

 

it's a good two and a half hours ride, but the excitement of a trip doesn't dim at all.

 

and so, screams and shouts can be heard as jiwon and the boys alighted from the bus to the resort, lugging their carry-bags along. hanbin went ahead to check in their group while the others loitered around the reception room, buzzing with excitement. a short walk to their guest house later and jiwon can already predict what they'll do once they've settled down in the guest house.

 

"let's go play jokgu!"

 

hanbin all but screams once he's dumped his bag onto the floor of their living room, not even bothering to explore the house at all. junhoe joins in as well, and soon they have the whole group up and out of the guest house to the jokgu playing area they saw on their way here. chanwoo volunteers as the referee, and it's a clean split between the older friends, jinhwan, yunhyeong and jiwon, and the younger friends, hanbin, donghyuk and junhoe. from then on, it's just a messy show of jokgu, with junhoe bragging about his skills yet failing still, donghyuk being an overall ace player, hanbin crying dramatically at the polarity of his team, jinhwan missing the ball at crucial moments, unlucky yunhyeong suffering a minor hit to the head, and jiwon showing his skills at times. throughout it all, chanwoo's just standing by the side, keeping scores and laughing crazily at the antics of his hyungs.

 

it ends with the hyung team's win, and in his exhausted mind, jiwon's body moves on its own and circles his arms around jinhwan, lifting him up and spinning both of them around, uncaring of who may see them. jiwon stops the spin and tucks his head into the crook of jinhwan's neck, mind getting soothed by jinhwan's twinkling laughter as yunhyeong drapes himself over both jiwon and jinhwan, celebrating their win.

 

and when chanwoo suggests ordering for pizza for their lunch, jiwon can only think that chanwoo's a smart boy because he's so, so tired from their jokgu match. and jiwon's pretty sure the rest feels the same way too, what with jinhwan, donghyuk and hanbin having dozed off on the couch once all of them have showered and changed after the intense game.

 

jiwon sort of wants to cuddle with jinhwan too, but donghyuk's beaten him to that as he and jinhwan lie on the couch together, sleeping peacefully. jiwon only feels _slightly_ jealous, because donghyuk's a sweet guy, and jiwon doesn't have a right to feel jealous when jinhwan isn't even his boyfriend, yet. so he settles down in one of the single seats there, opposite hanbin, before making himself comfortable and closing his eyes.

 

so when chanwoo finishes his call to order for pizza and returns to the living room, he's greeted with his sleeping hyungs, with the exception of junhoe and yunhyeong. jinhwan's curled up on the couch with donghyuk, facing donghyuk's chest as the younger keeps an arm protectively around his smaller hyung. hanbin and jiwon both occupy a separate seat, hanbin with his head bent down, nodding off, while jiwon has his head leaned back, mouth opened wide. without a second thought, chanwoo whips out his phone for a photo of jiwon's face, and he's got a perfect blackmail material. he also takes one photo of jinhwan and donghyuk though, because they just look too soft to not have that moment captured.

 

as for junhoe and yunhyeong, a quick tour around the guest house and chanwoo finds yunhyeong to have taken the room with the single bed, and junhoe passed out on one of the two beds at another room. after another blackmail photo of junhoe, chanwoo retreats to the room he's set his eyes on, and waits for the phone call from the pizza delivery man.

 

 

-4.

jiwon's got a bad feeling in his gut when he opens the door to chanwoo's and jinhwan's shared room to find only chanwoo in it. it's way past midnight already, and the group's spent an extraordinary amount of energy throughout the day. the banana boat ride that junhoe thought will be a good idea in the afternoon was the most draining of energy, and it's no surprise when almost everyone passed out in their rooms after that activity. not to mention that barbeque party that has everyone letting loose and getting crazy well into the night. so it's quite unexpected that jinhwan's _not_ in his room and sleeping off his fatigue.

 

"where's jinhwan-hyung?"

 

chanwoo looks up from his phone.

 

"hanbin-hyung came by a while back, they went off together."

 

a realisation sets over jiwon, no wonder hanbin has been looking nervous the whole day. jiwon stands by the door, deciding for a moment on what to do before he drags his body into the room and flops onto jinhwan's bed. he'll just wait for hanbin to be done then.

 

but even as he thinks that, doubts wash over his mind. what if jinhwan decides to be with hanbin? what if jiwon doesn't even get to have a chance with jinhwan? jiwon doesn't think he can handle that at all.

 

"don't worry, hyung."

 

chanwoo's voice cuts through his thoughts, and jiwon looks over to the younger. chanwoo's still scrolling through his phone nonchalantly, jiwon has no idea how he's able to read his mind so accurately.

 

"just wait for jinhwan-hyung."

 

and he does. it takes jiwon only a couple of rotations through his social media accounts before jinhwan returns, while chanwoo is still on his phone.

 

jinhwan seems surprised that jiwon's lying on his bed, if that cute, confused face is anything to go by.

 

"jiwon, go find hanbin, yea? please."

 

okay, now jiwon's the one who's confused, and slightly worried. did something happen? why should _he_ go find hanbin?

 

but jinhwan doesn't elaborate, only shooing jiwon off his bed and tucks himself underneath the blankets, looking tired and, jiwon realises, _sad_. his heart twinges a little, and with a soft "goodnight, jinhwan-hyung." he exits the room and closes the door behind him as chanwoo finally breaks away from his phone to reach over and switch off the desk lamp by jinhwan's side.

 

though he's still concerned with jinhwan's behaviour, right now, hanbin is more important. if jinhwan's brushing off jiwon and ordering him to find hanbin, it's most likely because jinhwan thinks hanbin needs jiwon. and jinhwan's rarely wrong about that.

 

jiwon finds hanbin sitting on a bench not far from their guest house, overlooking the dark waters of the lake. his heart aches at how forlorn his best friend looks, staring off deep into the darkness.

 

"hey man, you alright?"

 

it's more of a rhetorical question than not, so jiwon's not bothered that hanbin didn't even try to answer him. he takes a seat by hanbin's left, and hanbin turns his head slightly to the right. well, at least hanbin's not chasing him away.

 

jiwon doesn't know whether he should even be enjoying the sound of the water or the silence of the night as they sit in silence. 

 

"i confessed to him."

 

hanbin's voice is low and weak, as if his soul is being drained out, as if his heart is being bled out. and it hurts, it hurts jiwon that hanbin is suffering, that jiwon can't even say anything carelessly lest he hurts hanbin more. so he only sits by his side, a heavy hand on hanbin's shoulder.

 

"you like him too, don't you?"

 

hanbin shifts to look at jiwon with his red-rimmed eyes, jiwon's hand slides off his shoulder. it's an intense stare and jiwon's the one who breaks it first.

 

"let's get to bed, it's late."

 

jiwon stands up, brushing dust off the back of his pants, waiting for hanbin to follow as he knows he will. hanbin does indeed, and is just one step behind jiwon as they head back to the guest house, soft ripples of the water fading away as they walk.

 

hanbin knows he's asked a rhetorical question too.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first off, i'll apologise for this delayed update; i'm really really sorry to anyone who's been waiting for this but i'll also like to say that thank you for waiting, though i won't know when i'll update again next.  
> still, thanks for reading~

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! please give some comments and thoughts too! i'd be glad to read any of them (:


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